Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
