This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
