you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
