whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
