A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
