Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
