We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
