Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
