So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
