I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
