I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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