420 ftw
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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