Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
