were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
