The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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