Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
