so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
