4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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