i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
