Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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