I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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