He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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