His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
