I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
