This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
