Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
