i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
