worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
