Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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