I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
