his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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