mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
