Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
