Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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