we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
