We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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