it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
