Soap is not a condiment
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
