i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
