got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
