Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
