Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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