Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
