I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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