I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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