An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
