My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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