who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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