my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize