wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sober January is a disaster.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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