So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
