Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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