last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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