and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize