I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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