The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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