I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
