Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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