Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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