i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
