Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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